Are you anxious at times? I am. Let's face it, there's plenty of anxiety to go around: lay-offs, relationship crises, pandemics, violence – and that's just for starters.
Actually, anxiety is a natural alarm system that keeps us safe and productive. But it can become a chronic mindset. When that happens, it can deaden joy and stifle creativity.
How to tackle anxiety
In my life it's not so much the big-ticket items like the current influenza or the economic meltdown that make me anxious, it's the fact that I tend to over-commit myself. The result is that I'm always a bit behind schedule. Anyone else feel like that?
One way to deal with overload is to pare down commitments, as Leo Babauta describes in his beautiful post, How to be less busy in a busy, busy world. Another way is to change our ingrained thought patterns and emotional responses.
Luckily there are some wonderful techniques that can help us to stay relaxed, focused, grounded, and cheerful – even under pressure. After all, anxiety is not produced by something external. It's an internal response to stress. We can train the mind to respond in a more skillful way.
I want to share with you how I stay reasonably sane, grounded, and creative in the midst of a full life. But first let's take a closer look at anxiety.
Fight-flight-freeze: three responses to anxiety
Anxiety is a low-grade fear. It's difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of one's anxiety. That's because anxiety is pervasive, whereas fear has a clear target.
We are hardwired to respond in three different ways when faced with danger: fight, flight, or freeze.
Imagine that you are hiking in a National Park. Suddenly you spot a bear. Faced with immediate danger, you instinctively choose one of three options: you either try to scare off the bear by making yourself look big, or by shouting (that's the 'fight' response). Or you immediately turn and run to safety (that's the flight response). Or you stand very still in the hope that the bear won't notice you (that's the 'freeze' response).
Let's look at how these responses play out in everyday life:
1. Fight: When we're anxious, we tend to be irritable. This is the 'fight' response. Because anxiety is pervasive and doesn't have a clear target, we tend to snap at those around us.
2. Flight: Sometimes we try to avoid what makes us anxious. People who suffer from severe anxiety even avoid stepping outside their home.
3. Freeze: The freeze response produces procrastination and stage fright. I certainly know about these two. You too?
Note that I'm talking about ordinary anxiety, and not about anxiety disorders. If you suffer from panic attacks or phobias, read this useful article, or get professional help.
Anxiety is an emotion that sends our mind into the future. After all, nobody is anxious about the past, right? As human beings we tend to think in stories that are like mind-movies. Anxious mind-movies usually have a 'what if?' scenario.
So what winds us up into anxiety are particular thought patterns and stories. Take a look at the following list and see if any points seem familiar:
1. Self-doubts: Do you doubt your ability? Do you think you haven't got what it takes, in order to succeed?
2. Wanting Control of the future: Do you want to want to control what happens in future? The truth is that even if we lay great plans, the unexpected can happen. And life has inescapable tides: we age and finally die.
3. High self-expectations: Sometimes we become our own slave-driver. I must admit, that's definitely a weakness of mine. It's good to step back at times and check out whether our expectations are realistic – and kindly.
4. Fear of failure: Are you afraid to fail? The truth is that all learning entails failure. Prof. Tal Ben-Shahar, an exponent of the Positive Psychology movement says, "Learn to fail, or fail to learn."
5. Not being present: This is a key factor of anxiety. When our thoughts dwell on the future, and we stop being truly present, that's when we can become anxious.
As you can see in the list above, all these internal factors are mental habits that we can change in order to alleviate and transform anxiety. And it's the last one – being present – that's the key to inspiration.
Inspiration lives in the present
There is an amazing short video with Brother David Steindle-Rast – a Christian monk. As a boy, he experienced the last years of World War II in Germany. He tells of great hardships: never knowing where the next meal would come from, having to queue for hours for a small pitcher of water, and seeing bombs fall all around him.
Would you be anxious in a situation like this?
Surprisingly, Brother David wasn't anxious – his experience was completely the opposite: it was one of the happiest times in his life! How could that be? His explanation is quite simple. Because there seemed no possibility of survival and no hope for the future, all he could do was to be in the present moment. This created a deep sense of happiness – in the midst of all that suffering.
Moments of inspiration – like watching the video of Brother David – remind us of our life purpose. We feel uplifted, excited, and yet grounded. I think the reason why moments of inspiration touch us so keenly, is because they remind us of our deepest aspirations.
Sometimes we confuse aspirations with personal goals, but they are completely different. Aspirations are the answer to the question: "What do I want to give the world?" Whereas personal goals are the answer to the question, "What do I want the world to give me?"
Four ways to transform anxiety into inspiration
Here are four ways you can start to transform anxiety into inspiration:
1. Simplify your life: The best guide I have seen so far, is Leo Babauta's lovely new ebook The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life. He takes you right through the necessary steps to simplify your life. It doesn't happen overnight, but can definitely decrease anxiety in the long run.
2. Write everything down: Holding too many ideas and plans in one's head can cause anxiety. A very simple remedy is to record all your ideas, dates, and schedules so that you free up your memory. Buy a simple notebook that you carry with you, or invest in a smart phone that can store appointments and idea.
3. Learn to relax: The anxious body is tense and needs rest and relaxation. There is a good relaxation and sleep hypnosis recording, created by Jon Rhodes. It's free and you can find it here
4. Practice meditation: If you really want to change the mental habits that keep you ensnared in anxiety, you'll find meditation a real help.
I know it can be daunting to learn to meditate. And busy people sometimes find it difficult to set time aside to practice meditation. I've come up with an easy way to get into meditation. I call it the Three-Breaths meditation. You can do it in one minute or less. It's a natural way to meditate and doesn't require you to learn complicated techniques. I've created a short video on how to do it. You can watch it here.
The Three-Breaths Meditation entails taking a few moments each day in order to pay tender regard to three breaths as they flow in and out of your body. For best results, keep upright posture so that your body and mind are well balanced. A thoughts come and go, observe them with soft attention and bring your focus gently back to your breath. I suggest practicing this easy micro-meditation a few times during the day. You'll notice that it brings you right back home to the present moment.
Of course there's a lot to be said about turning anxiety into inspiration – that's why I run a Virtual Zen Retreat focused on how to do it. But I hope that you can find something in this post that helps you to start moving away anxiety and towards inspiration.
Learning to guide our mind away from unskillful emotions, like anxiety, fear or anger, and towards kindness and cheerfulness, is a wonderful way to enhance our life and bring about happiness.
If there's one thing you take away from this post, I hope it's that ease and inspiration come from experiencing the present moment.
Like. Now.
你是否會(huì)不時(shí)感到焦慮?我是會(huì)這樣的。我們不得不面對(duì)這樣的現(xiàn)實(shí):我們的周圍充斥著各種各樣的焦慮:失業(yè)、人際關(guān)系危機(jī)、疾病流行、暴力……不勝枚舉。
事實(shí)上,焦慮是一種天然的預(yù)警系統(tǒng),它幫助我們趨利避害;但它也可能成為一種慢性情緒問(wèn)題,焦慮情緒的出現(xiàn)可能會(huì)讓我們喪失感知愉悅的能力,并扼殺我們的創(chuàng)造力。
如何對(duì)付焦慮問(wèn)題
在我的生活中,諸如流感或經(jīng)濟(jì)危機(jī)等大事件并不會(huì)使我特別焦慮。事實(shí)上,我的焦慮情緒更多地來(lái)源于對(duì)自我的苛求;這樣做的結(jié)果就是我距離自己制定的目標(biāo)總是差那么一點(diǎn)。是否有人與我有相同的感覺(jué)?
要處理這種情緒上的負(fù)擔(dān),有一種辦法就是像利歐·巴布塔在他的博客美文《如何在紛繁世界中泰然生活》中所說(shuō)的,適當(dāng)放低對(duì)自己的要求。而另一種方式,就是改變我們根深蒂固的思維和情緒模式。
幸運(yùn)的是,有許多很棒的技巧可以幫助我們,學(xué)習(xí)如何在各種情境--包括在壓力下--也保持心態(tài)放松、精力集中、狀態(tài)穩(wěn)定并且精力充沛。歸根結(jié)底,焦慮并非來(lái)自外界,而是我們對(duì)于壓力的內(nèi)在反映。我們可以訓(xùn)練我們的頭腦,使之能夠更有技巧地應(yīng)對(duì)外來(lái)事件。
我希望與你分享我是如何在生活中保持頭腦清醒,心平氣和以及創(chuàng)造力旺盛的。在此之前,讓我們先來(lái)更進(jìn)一步了解一下焦慮。
焦慮三部曲:抗拒-抗拒-停滯
焦慮是一種較低程度的恐懼?謶忠话愣加泻苊鞔_的指向性,而焦慮則略有不同,它是一種情緒狀態(tài),很難確切地指出究竟是什么具體原因?qū)е铝私箲]。
通常,我們會(huì)以以下三種方式來(lái)面對(duì)威脅:抗拒,抗拒,或停滯。
想象一下,你正在國(guó)家公園中徒步旅行,突然,你發(fā)現(xiàn)了一只熊。面對(duì)突如其來(lái)的危險(xiǎn),你很有可能會(huì)本能地采取以下三種方法應(yīng)對(duì):也許,你會(huì)試圖通過(guò)虛張聲勢(shì)的動(dòng)作或叫聲來(lái)嚇退熊('抗拒'反應(yīng));也許,你會(huì)馬上轉(zhuǎn)身逃跑到安全的地方('抗拒'反應(yīng));也有可能你會(huì)站在原地不動(dòng),希望熊沒(méi)有發(fā)現(xiàn)你。('停滯'反應(yīng)).
現(xiàn)在,讓我們來(lái)看看我們是如何把這些反應(yīng)運(yùn)用到日常生活中的:
1. 抗拒: 當(dāng)我們焦慮時(shí),我們會(huì)比較容易發(fā)怒。這就是'抗拒'反應(yīng)。因?yàn)榻箲]是一種沒(méi)有明確指向的情緒狀態(tài),因此我們很可能會(huì)選擇對(duì)我們周圍的人或事發(fā)怒。
2. 抗拒:有時(shí)我們會(huì)竭力逃避那些使我們焦慮的事物。有些承受巨大焦慮的人甚至?xí)]門不出以逃避痛苦。
3. 停滯:停滯反應(yīng)導(dǎo)致拖延和舞臺(tái)恐懼癥。我很了解這兩種感覺(jué),你是否也一樣呢?
請(qǐng)注意,我所談的是通常意義上的焦慮,而非焦慮癥患者。如果你正在遭受應(yīng)激驚恐反應(yīng)或恐懼癥的折磨,請(qǐng)參考這篇文章,或?qū)で髮I(yè)人士的幫助。
焦慮是一種將我們的所思所想與未來(lái)相聯(lián)結(jié)的情緒。畢竟,沒(méi)有人會(huì)為過(guò)去而焦慮,不是嗎?人們經(jīng)常會(huì)像放映"頭腦電影"一樣,想象一些關(guān)于自己的故事情節(jié);而與焦慮相關(guān)的"頭腦電影"經(jīng)常會(huì)有一個(gè)"如果……會(huì)怎么樣?"的劇本。
因此,讓我們陷入焦慮狀態(tài)的正是這些特定的思維模式和思維情節(jié)。讓我們看看以下這張清單,是否有些似曾相識(shí):
1. 自我懷疑:你是否會(huì)懷疑自己的能力?你是否認(rèn)為你并沒(méi)有充分發(fā)揮你的能力以獲取成功?
2. 企圖控制未來(lái):你是否企圖全面掌控未來(lái)將要發(fā)生的事情?事實(shí)上,即便你制定了最完備的計(jì)劃,意料之外的事件依然有可能發(fā)生。只有生命的進(jìn)程是可預(yù)見(jiàn)的:我們會(huì)慢慢變老并最終死去。
3. 高自我預(yù)期值:有時(shí)我們會(huì)成為自己的奴隸主。我必須承認(rèn),這也是我的弱點(diǎn)之一。有時(shí),退一步海闊天空;這讓我們有機(jī)會(huì)檢查我們的自我預(yù)期是否符合現(xiàn)實(shí)或是否過(guò)于苛求。
4. 恐懼失。耗闶欠窈ε率?事實(shí)上,所有的學(xué)習(xí)過(guò)程都伴隨著失敗。正如積極心理學(xué)運(yùn)動(dòng)倡導(dǎo)者之一的泰爾·本-沙哈教授所說(shuō):"要么學(xué)習(xí)如何失敗,要么學(xué)無(wú)所成。"
5. 拒絕活在當(dāng)下:這是造成焦慮的主要原因。當(dāng)我們的思緒總是沉浸在將來(lái),那么我們將不會(huì)真正的活在當(dāng)下,而這時(shí)我們通常會(huì)變得焦慮。
像你可以從清單中看到的那樣,以上這些引起焦慮的內(nèi)因都源于我們自身的心理習(xí)慣,我們可以通過(guò)改變它們來(lái)緩解或轉(zhuǎn)變焦慮的心態(tài)。而最后一項(xiàng)--活在當(dāng)下--是解決問(wèn)題的關(guān)鍵所在。
靈性安住于當(dāng)下
這里有一段關(guān)于一位名叫戴維·斯坦得-瑞斯特的基督教僧侶的很棒的視頻。他兒時(shí)曾經(jīng)在二戰(zhàn)后期的德國(guó)居住過(guò)幾年。他講述了那時(shí)的艱難:永遠(yuǎn)不知道下一頓飯?jiān)谀睦铮瑸榱艘恍」匏坏貌慌派蠋讉(gè)小時(shí)的隊(duì),并且不時(shí)還會(huì)有炸彈落在他的周圍。
你在這樣的情境下是否會(huì)焦慮?
令人驚訝的是,戴維那時(shí)并沒(méi)有感到焦慮--他所感受到的是完全相反經(jīng)驗(yàn):那是他這一生最快樂(lè)的時(shí)光!為什么會(huì)這樣呢?他的解釋非常簡(jiǎn)單。因?yàn)樵谀菚r(shí)沒(méi)有生存的可能和對(duì)未來(lái)的希望,他所能做的只有安在當(dāng)下。而這恰恰創(chuàng)造了一種很深刻的幸福體驗(yàn)--即使身處艱苦環(huán)境亦是如此。
靈性時(shí)刻--如同我們觀看戴維的視頻時(shí)所感受到的--提醒著我們生命的目的。我們感覺(jué)到振奮、激動(dòng),并仍感覺(jué)腳踏實(shí)地。靈性時(shí)刻為何能令我們?nèi)绱擞|動(dòng)?我認(rèn)為,這是由于它令我們回想起內(nèi)心深處最深切的渴望。
有時(shí),我們會(huì)混淆內(nèi)在渴望與個(gè)人目標(biāo),但事實(shí)上它們是全然不同的。內(nèi)在渴望關(guān)注于"我想奉獻(xiàn)給這個(gè)世界些什么?";而個(gè)人目標(biāo)則恰恰相反,它所關(guān)注的是"我希望這個(gè)世界能給我些什么?".
四法則助你變焦慮為靈性
你可以通過(guò)以下四種方式開(kāi)始你的改變之旅:
1. 讓生活更加簡(jiǎn)單:到目前為止我所見(jiàn)過(guò)的最好的指南,就是利歐·巴布塔最新所著的電子書(shū)《簡(jiǎn)樸生活指南》。他將告訴你實(shí)現(xiàn)簡(jiǎn)單生活的必要步驟。雖然改變不會(huì)在一夜之間實(shí)現(xiàn),但持續(xù)堅(jiān)持下去的話,一定會(huì)逐漸減少焦慮。
2. "好記性不如爛筆頭":同時(shí)思考很多問(wèn)題和計(jì)劃會(huì)引起焦慮。一個(gè)很簡(jiǎn)單的紓解方式就是記錄下你的想法、重要日期和行事日程,這樣就可以讓你的短時(shí)記憶得到放松。購(gòu)買一個(gè)可以隨身攜帶的筆記本或一臺(tái)智能手機(jī),這樣就可以隨時(shí)記錄下約會(huì)信息和實(shí)時(shí)產(chǎn)生的想法。
3. 學(xué)會(huì)放松:焦慮的身體通常是緊張的,它需要休息和放松。喬·羅茲制作了一段很好的有利于放松與睡眠的催眠音頻。并且它是免費(fèi)的,你可以在這里找到它。
4. 練習(xí)冥想:如果你真的想要改變你的思維習(xí)慣,就要避免自己陷入焦慮的陷阱。你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)在這方面,冥想真的能夠起到很大的幫助作用。
我了解,學(xué)習(xí)冥想可能是令人卻步的,并且公務(wù)繁忙的人有時(shí)也會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)他們很難空出時(shí)間練習(xí)冥想。我提出過(guò)一種可以迅速進(jìn)入冥想狀態(tài)的簡(jiǎn)單方法。我叫它三段呼吸冥想法,你可以在一分鐘內(nèi)做到。有一個(gè)更自然的方式可以進(jìn)入冥想狀態(tài),那就是不要要求你自己去學(xué)習(xí)復(fù)雜的冥想技巧。我制作了一段視頻,來(lái)告訴大家如何做到這一點(diǎn)。你可以在這里觀看。
三段呼吸冥想法讓我們每天花幾分鐘的時(shí)間,通過(guò)三次流入流出體內(nèi)的呼吸,給我們的身體帶來(lái)舒適的感覺(jué)。為取得最佳效果,冥想時(shí)最好保持直立姿勢(shì),這樣你的身體和思想都可以保持平衡。思想來(lái)了又去,溫柔的觀察它們,并將你的注意力重新柔和地集中在你的呼吸上。我提議每天花幾分鐘的時(shí)間進(jìn)行這種簡(jiǎn)單的微型冥想。你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)它能夠?qū)⒛銕Щ禺?dāng)下。
當(dāng)然,我們談了很多關(guān)于將焦慮轉(zhuǎn)化為靈性的話題--這也是我為什么要建立以如何實(shí)現(xiàn)這一目標(biāo)為工作重心的虛擬禪宗修習(xí)的原因。但是我也希望你可以通過(guò)這篇文章了解到如何開(kāi)始去除焦慮,并走上靈性之路。
我們應(yīng)學(xué)習(xí)如何指引我們的思想,遠(yuǎn)離焦慮、恐懼或憤怒等不良情緒,將之轉(zhuǎn)為善意和愉快。這是一種提高生活質(zhì)量并帶來(lái)幸福的很有效的方法。
如果你只能從這篇文章中獲得一項(xiàng)收獲,我希望你可以了解到,自在與靈性源于體驗(yàn)當(dāng)下。
例如,現(xiàn)在。