When a perfectionist has a baby, things can fall apart very quickly.
As an editor here at the Journal I could skillfully edit a complex finance story, calm a testy reporter, put out a graphics fire and give an intern advice, all at the same time, and all while maintaining my composure. So when my husband and I found out we were expecting a baby, I thought, compared to my work life, how hard could it be to keep a tiny human fed, warm and clean?
As it turned out, some of the personality traits that made me good at my job were also psychological risk factors for postpartum depression, or PPD. I was a classic Type-A, perfectionist control freak. Great for editing, not so great for childrearing.
Soon after my daughter was born last fall I fell into a PPD. I was lucky to have a terrific husband and obstetrician who recognized it right away (my bursting into tears as soon as my doctor walked into the exam room was one clue), even when I insisted it was just baby blues and lack of sleep that was causing my mood swings and lack of interest in anything except caring for the baby.
At work I'm known as the 'den mother' (although I prefer the less matronly-seeming 'cruise director') because I'm always planning social gatherings and taking care of the new hires and interns. But after we brought the baby home I felt something in me change. I didn't come to the phone or invite friends and family over to see the baby. Almost like clockwork, every night at 9 p.m. the day would overwhelm me and I'd have to go and have a good cry. With medication and therapy I started feeling better after a few months. And then I began to plan for my return to work.
Working Mother magazine last year published an article about working moms and depression. It reported that one in five women in the workplace will experience depression in her lifetime, according to Mental Health America. And about 15% of new mothers succumb to PPD, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Often moms who are well on the mend will have a relapse upon returning to work, or a 'post-postpartum depression.' And sometimes a PPD won't even surface until her return to work.
The idea of going back to work and juggling a career, baby, friends, family, and on top of that a health concern, became a deep source of stress for me. For one, I couldn't imagine being away from my daughter, who was eight months old when I returned to work, for hours at a time.
I also struggled with what and how much to tell my co-workers and managers about my PPD. I worried that if I said too much I'd seem unprofessional, like I was blubbering about my personal problems, and it might open the door to questions about how I would be able to handle my job. PPD is widely misunderstood and I didn't want my cube neighbors to be worried that I was going to break down on the job, throwing myself out of the window shouting 'Pacifier! Where's the pacifier! Aaaaaaaaack!' Also, I didn't want my managers to go light on me because they were worried that I'd crack.
So far, well up until this is published anyway, I've only told a few people at work about my PPD. Most of my co-workers were very sympathetic and supportive, although some seemed uncomfortable and quickly changed the subject. I've been back at work for a couple of months now and am really enjoying the business of journalism again and engaging in professional life. After this life-changing event I feel like I'm even better than I was before I had the PPD, both at work and at home.
Readers, have you struggled with postpartum depression or other mental-health issues at work? How did you handle it? Were you open with your co-workers and superiors, or did you keep it to yourself? How have your colleagues reacted?
當(dāng)一個(gè)完美主義者有了孩子以后,生活可能很快就面目全非。
作為《華爾街日?qǐng)?bào)》的一名編輯,我可以熟練地編輯一篇復(fù)雜的金融稿件、安撫暴躁的記者、處理緊急的圖表、給實(shí)習(xí)生提供建議,所有這些都是同時(shí)進(jìn)行,在此過程中還始終保持冷靜。因此,當(dāng)丈夫和我發(fā)現(xiàn)我們要有孩子了,我想,跟工作比起來(lái),保證一個(gè)小人兒吃飽穿暖、干干凈凈能有多難。
結(jié)果,讓我在工作中表現(xiàn)出色的一些個(gè)性卻成為了產(chǎn)后抑郁癥的心理風(fēng)險(xiǎn)因素。我是典型的A型血人,完美主義的控制狂。擅長(zhǎng)編輯工作,但對(duì)于養(yǎng)孩子就不是那么得心應(yīng)手。
去年秋季我女兒出生之后不久,我就陷入了產(chǎn)后抑郁。幸運(yùn)的是我有個(gè)好丈夫和了不起的產(chǎn)科醫(yī)生,他們馬上就察覺了(我的醫(yī)生一走進(jìn)檢查室我就哭就是產(chǎn)后抑郁的跡象),雖然我堅(jiān)持說(shuō)那只是因?yàn)檩p微的憂郁和缺少睡眠令我的情緒出現(xiàn)起伏以及除了照顧孩子之外對(duì)其他事情都漠不關(guān)心。
我在工作中有個(gè)外號(hào)"童子軍女訓(xùn)導(dǎo)",因?yàn)槲铱偸窃诓邉澤缃换顒?dòng),關(guān)照新人和實(shí)習(xí)生(不過我更喜歡"郵輪主任"這個(gè)聽起來(lái)不那么威嚴(yán)的外號(hào)).但當(dāng)我們把小孩帶回家之后,我覺得自己發(fā)生了一些變化。我不再打電話或邀請(qǐng)朋友和家人來(lái)看我的孩子。幾乎像時(shí)鐘一樣,每天晚上9點(diǎn)鐘的時(shí)候,我就會(huì)感受到巨大的壓力,不得不離開大哭一場(chǎng)。在藥物和治療的幫助下,幾個(gè)月后我開始覺得好一點(diǎn)了。接下去我開始計(jì)劃回去工作的事情。
《職業(yè)母親》(Working Mother)雜志去年刊登了一篇關(guān)于職業(yè)母親和抑郁的文章。據(jù)報(bào)導(dǎo),美國(guó)心理衛(wèi)生協(xié)會(huì)(Mental Health America)的資料顯示,美國(guó)每5個(gè)職業(yè)女性中就有1人會(huì)經(jīng)歷抑郁。據(jù)美國(guó)精神病疾病聯(lián)盟(National Alliance on Mental Illness)表示,大約有15%初為人母的女性會(huì)遭遇產(chǎn)后抑郁。狀況好轉(zhuǎn)的媽媽們?cè)诜祷毓ぷ鲿r(shí)通常會(huì)出現(xiàn)病狀復(fù)發(fā),或是"產(chǎn)后抑郁癥后癥狀".有些時(shí)候,媽媽們直到返回工作時(shí)才出現(xiàn)產(chǎn)后抑郁癥的癥狀。
一想到回去上班,要整天糾纏于事業(yè)、嬰兒、朋友、家人之間,此外還有健康問題,我就感受到沉重的壓力。其中一個(gè)煩惱是,我無(wú)法想像自己要和女兒一次分開數(shù)小時(shí)的情景,當(dāng)我回去上班的時(shí)候,她才8個(gè)月大。
令我感到糾結(jié)的還有產(chǎn)后抑郁癥問題,我不知道該向我的同事和上司怎么說(shuō)起這事,又應(yīng)該告訴他們多少。我擔(dān)心,如果我說(shuō)的太多,我可能就會(huì)顯得不職業(yè),好像我在哭訴我的個(gè)人問題一樣,這可能會(huì)引發(fā)關(guān)于我是否能干好工作的質(zhì)疑。而且,社會(huì)對(duì)產(chǎn)后抑郁癥有著普遍的誤解,我可不想坐在我旁邊的同事?lián)奈視?huì)在工作的時(shí)候崩潰,一邊喊著"鎮(zhèn)靜劑在哪兒?",一邊跳樓自殺。此外,我也不想上司因?yàn)閾?dān)心我會(huì)崩潰而對(duì)我特別照顧。
目前為止,在這篇文章刊登之前,我只對(duì)幾個(gè)人說(shuō)起過我的產(chǎn)后抑郁癥。大多數(shù)同事都非常同情和支持我,只是一些人會(huì)覺得不舒服,會(huì)迅速改變?cè)掝}。現(xiàn)在我回公司上班已經(jīng)有幾個(gè)月了,我真的很享受再次從事新聞職業(yè),回到我的職業(yè)生活當(dāng)中。在經(jīng)歷過這一改變?nèi)松氖录,我覺得自己甚至比患上產(chǎn)后抑郁癥之前更加快樂,工作和家庭生活都是如此。
讀者們,你們是否經(jīng)歷過產(chǎn)后抑郁或是在工作上遭遇其他心理問題?你們又是怎么處理的?你們是否向同事和上司坦承此事,或是郁結(jié)于心?你們的同事又有什么反應(yīng)?