Discipline is freedom. You may disagree with this statement, and if you do you are certainly not alone. For many people discipline is a dirty word that is equated with the absence of freedom. In fact the opposite is true. As Stephen R. Covey once wrote, "the undisciplined are slaves to moods, appetites and passions". And in the longer term, the undisciplined lack the freedom that comes with possessing particular skills and abilities - e.g. to play a musical instrument or speak a foreign language.
Self-discipline involves acting according to what you think instead of how you feel in the moment. Often it involves sacrificing the pleasure and thrill of the moment for what matters most in life. Therefore it is self-discipline that drives you to:
Work on an idea or project after the initial rush of enthusiasm has faded away
Go to the gym when all you want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV
Wake early to work on yourself
Say "no" when tempted to break your diet
Only check your email a few of times per day at particular times
In the past self-discipline has been a weakness of mine, and as a result today I find myself lacking the ability to do a number of things which I would like - e.g. to play the guitar. But I have improved, and I can say that it is self-discipline that got me out of bed this morning at 5am to run and then write this article. Believe me, I would love to be curled up in bed right now, but this desire is subordinated by my inner sense of purpose.
If you struggle with self-discipline, the good news is that it can be developed. For example, it is only in the past two years that I have trained myself to wake early. The following are what I have found to be the five traits of self-discipline:
1. Self-Knowledge
Discipline means behaving according to what you have decided is best, regardless of how you feel in the moment. Therefore the first trait of discipline is self-knowledge. You need to decide what behavior best reflects your goals and values. This process requires introspection and self-analysis, and is most effective when tied to written expression. I highly recommend taking the time to write out your goals, dreams and ambitions. Even better, write out a personal mission statement. I found that writing such a statement gave me a greater understanding of who I am, what I am about and what I value. Dr. Covey has an excellent Mission Statement Builder on his site.
2. Conscious Awareness
Self-discipline depends upon conscious awareness as to both what you are doing and what you are not doing. Think about it. If you aren't aware your behavior is undisciplined, how will you know to act otherwise?
As you begin to build self-discipline, you may catch yourself being in the act of being undisciplined - e.g. biting your nails, avoiding the gym, eating a piece of cake or checking your email constantly. Developing self-discipline takes time, and the key here is you are aware of your undisciplined behavior. With time this awareness will come earlier, meaning rather than catching yourself in the act of being undisciplined you will have awareness before you act in this way. This gives you the opportunity to make a decision that is in better alignment with your goals and values.
3. Commitment to Self-Discipline
It is not enough to simply write out your goals and values. You must make an internal commitment to them. Otherwise when your alarm clock goes off at 5am you will see no harm in hitting the snooze button for "just another 5 minutes…" Or, when initial rush of enthusiasm has faded away from a project you will struggle to see it through to completion.
If you struggle with commitment, start by making a conscious decision to follow through on what you say you're going to do - both when you said you would do it and how you said you would do it. Then, I highly recommend putting in place a system to track these commitments. As the saying goes, "What gets measured gets improved".
4. Courage
Did you notice the sweat dripping from the man in the picture at the start of this article? Make no mistake, self-discipline is often extremely difficult. Moods, appetites and passions can be powerful forces to go against. Therefore self-discipline is highly dependent on courage. Don't pretend something is easy for you to do when it is in fact very difficult and/ or painful. Instead, find the courage to face this pain and difficulty. As you begin to accumulate small private victories, your self-confidence will grow and the courage that underpins self-discipline will come more naturally.
5. Internal Coaching
Self-talk is often harmful, but it can also be extremely beneficial if you have control of it. When you find yourself being tested, I suggest you talk to yourself, encourage yourself and reassure yourself. After all, it is self-talk that has the ability to remind you of your goals, call up courage, reinforce your commitment and keep you conscious of the task at hand. When I find my discipline being tested, I always recall the following quote: "The price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret". Burn this quote into your memory, and recall in whenever you find yourself being tested. It may change your life.
紀(jì)律就是自由。你也許不同意這句話。當(dāng)然你也不是唯一一個不同意的人。對很多人來說,紀(jì)律是個忌諱的詞,其含義就等同于自由的缺失。其實(shí),紀(jì)律才是獲得真正的自由。斯蒂芬?低(jīng)寫過:"沒有紀(jì)律的人只是情緒、欲望以及激情的奴隸。"從長遠(yuǎn)來看,沒有紀(jì)律的人缺乏掌握具體的技能所帶來的自由,比如,演奏一項(xiàng)樂器,或者講一門外語。
自律是指按你此刻所思考的內(nèi)容來行動,而不是隨心所欲。通常,自律包含了為了影響人生的重大事情而犧牲此刻的愉悅和刺激。因此,自律會驅(qū)使你去做:
當(dāng)最初的激情退卻后,仍繼續(xù)努力于一個主意或項(xiàng)目;
當(dāng)你只想躺在沙發(fā)上看電視時,起身去健身館;
早起想想自身的問題;
節(jié)食時,對誘惑說"不";
每天只在特定的幾個時刻查看一下郵箱。
過去,自律一直是我的一個弱項(xiàng),以致于今天我不會做很多我曾經(jīng)想做的事,比如,彈奏吉他。但我也已經(jīng)改善很多了。我可以說正是自律讓我在五點(diǎn)起床去跑步,然后寫下這篇文章。相信我,我非常喜歡現(xiàn)在就蜷縮在被窩里。但這種欲望已經(jīng)服從于我的內(nèi)在意識。
如果你正在和自律掙扎,那么好消息是它是可以培養(yǎng)的。比如,我只是過去兩年里在訓(xùn)練自己早起。下列五點(diǎn)是我發(fā)現(xiàn)的自律的特點(diǎn):
1, 自覺
自律意味著按照你所認(rèn)定是最好的行動,而不顧及此刻你的感受。所以,自律的第一個特點(diǎn)就是自覺。你需要決定哪些行為能最好的達(dá)到你的目標(biāo)和實(shí)現(xiàn)你的價值。這個過程要求自我反省和自我分析。最有效的是和寫下來的描述相聯(lián)系。我強(qiáng)烈推薦你花點(diǎn)時間寫下你的目標(biāo)、夢想和野心。更好的,是寫出個人的使命宣言。我發(fā)現(xiàn)寫下這樣一個宣言讓我能更好的了解我是誰,我能怎樣以及什么是我的價值。Covey博士在他的網(wǎng)頁上有一篇很好的文章《任務(wù)建立者》。
2, 自我意識
自我意識從兩方面決定了自律:你正在做的事情和你沒有在做的事情。想一想。如果你沒有意識到你的行為是無紀(jì)律的,那你又怎么知道用另外的方式來行動呢?
當(dāng)你開始培養(yǎng)自律時,你可能會注意到自己正進(jìn)行著不自律的行為--比如,咬指甲,不去健身,吃蛋糕或者經(jīng)常性的檢查你的郵箱。培養(yǎng)自律需要時間。關(guān)鍵就在于你對自己的不自律行為保持警覺。漸漸的,這種警覺性會在你不自律的行為之前就提醒你。這讓你在做決定時,更好的靠近你的目標(biāo)和價值。
3, 自律的承諾
僅是簡單的寫出你的目標(biāo)和價值是不夠的。你必須對它們做出承諾。否則,當(dāng)你的鬧鐘在早上5點(diǎn)響起時,你會按下暫停鍵,想著再睡5分鐘吧,也沒太大關(guān)系的;或者當(dāng)最初的熱情褪去后,你的項(xiàng)目就進(jìn)入了跌跌撞撞走向完成的過程。
當(dāng)你和承諾掙扎時,按照你講過的你要去做的事情,包括你講過的要做的事情以及做的方法,做一個清醒的決定。這里,我強(qiáng)烈推薦你建立一個系統(tǒng)來追蹤這些承諾。有句話是這樣說的:當(dāng)事物被評估的時候,它就會改進(jìn)的。
4, 勇氣
在文章開始的圖片里,你有沒有注意到從男人臉上留下的那滴汗水?不錯,自律通常是非常困難的。情緒、欲望以及激情都是強(qiáng)勁的對手。所以,自律需要很大的勇氣。當(dāng)事情其實(shí)很難的時候,不要假裝它對你而言是很簡單的。相反,找到勇氣來面對辛苦和困難。當(dāng)你慢慢累積小小的勝利時,你的自信會增長,支持你自律的勇氣也會源源不斷。
5, 自我指導(dǎo)
自我對話通常是有害的,但當(dāng)你掌控它的時候,又是極其有用的。在你被測試的時候,我建議你跟自己對話,鼓勵自己,肯定自己。畢竟,自我對話有能力向你提醒你的目標(biāo),喚起你的勇氣,加強(qiáng)你的承諾,以及對你手邊的任務(wù)保持清醒。當(dāng)我發(fā)現(xiàn)自律被測試時,我常會想起這句話:"紀(jì)律的代價通常都小于后悔的痛苦。"把這句話融進(jìn)你的記憶里,每次當(dāng)你被測試時,想一想它。這會改變你的人生。