I have a very hard time being criticized, corrected, or accused – even of the smallest mistakes – and I react very angrily. I’ve wrestled this instinct under control in a professional context, more or less, but I have more trouble with it at home. All it takes is for the Big Girl to say something like,"You forgot to remind me to bring my library book," to send me into a tirade. "What do you mean…it's not my responsibility…I didn’t know Wednesday was Library Day…" etc., etc.

    對我哪怕是最微小的一個批評、糾正或指責(zé)，我都會很難接受——而且我會做出十分憤怒的反應(yīng)。在職業(yè)中，我會將這種本能遏制住，但是在家里卻難以做到。只需要大女兒說類似：“你忘記提醒我要帶圖書館圖書”就能讓我言辭激烈。“你是什么意思..這不是我的事..我又不知道星期三是圖書館日...”諸如此類的話。

    More and more, I see the connection between perfectionism, control, and anger. Zoikes, how I try to be more mild-mannered and easy-going! Here are some of the strategies that I try to use to accept criticism. If I manage to use them, they never fail me, but it can be hard to have the mindfulness needed to apply them.

    我越來越發(fā)現(xiàn)完美主義、控制和憤怒之間的關(guān)系。啊，我是多么努力在要做到更溫文爾雅、更隨和！下面是我用來接受批評時的策略中的一些。如果我用上它們，就絕對不會讓我失望，但是要有一個清醒頭腦去用它們卻是一件困難的事情。

    1. Listen to what a critic is saying. Really listen, try to understand that point of view, don’t just nod while you formulate your retorts.

    聽一聽批評者在說什么。真正傾聽，試圖了解觀點，不要一邊點頭，一邊準(zhǔn)備自己的反駁。

    2. Don't be defensive. This is the toughest step for me. With my writing, for example, I always have to take a deep breath before reading an edit letter or meeting with an editor, to remind myself, "I welcome criticism. This person is helping me. I’m eager to hear how to improve my book/article/post." Act the way you want to feel! That's my Third Commandment. Along the same lines…

    不要用防御心理。對我來說這是最難的一步。例如，在我寫作時，我總要在閱讀編輯的信或和編輯見面前深吸一口氣，來提醒自己：“我歡迎批評。這個人在幫助我。我渴望聽一聽如何改善我的書/文章/帖子的話”。 你希望獲得怎樣的感受就怎樣去做！這是我的第三條戒律。同理...

    3. Don't fire back by criticizing your critic. Your comments will just sound defensive, and you'll escalate the exchange. This urge is very difficult to resist, because the impulse to justify and attack is strong when you feel criticized, but it just isn't helpful, and it certainly isn’t effective.

    不要批評你的批評者來反擊。 你的話只會聽上去有防御心，而且你將會將“交火”升級。這樣的沖動很難抵制，因為要理論、攻擊對方的沖動在你感覺受到批評時是很強烈，但這并沒有幫助，也肯定是沒有效果的。

    4. Delay your reaction. Count to ten, take a deep breath, sleep on it, wait until the next day to send that email…any kind of delay is good. A friend told me that she has a rule for herself: when she's upset about something that happened at her children's school, she won't let herself do anything about it for three days – and usually she decides that no action is better than action.

    延遲你的反應(yīng)。 數(shù)到10、做深呼吸、隔一宿、等到第二天再發(fā)出那封電子郵件。任何類別的延遲都有幫助。一位朋友曾告訴我一條她自己的規(guī)定：當(dāng)她對某件發(fā)生在她的孩子學(xué)校力的事情感到生氣，她讓自己3天什么也不做--而且往往她認(rèn)為不采取行動比行動更好。

    5. Explain honestly the reason for your actions. Sometimes it's tempting to re-characterize your actual feelings and motives. Usually, though, that just complicates things more. It becomes impossible to have an honest exchange.

    誠實地解釋你的行為。有時候，改變你的實際的感受和意圖是很誘人的做法。但通常這只會讓事情更復(fù)雜化，讓誠實的交流沒有可能。

    6. Admit your mistakes. This is extremely effective and disarming. When I got my first job, my father told me, "If you take the blame, you'll get the responsibility." I've found that to be very true. Difficult, but true. Admitting mistakes is the first step, then…

    承認(rèn)自己的錯誤。 這是極為有效、消解的方法。當(dāng)我獲得第一份工作時，我的父親曾告訴我：“如果你承擔(dān)了責(zé)備，你將會獲得責(zé)任” 我發(fā)現(xiàn)這一點很正確。難但是卻正確。承認(rèn)錯誤是第一步，接下來...

    7. Explain what you've learned. If you can show a critic that you've learned something, you prove that you've understood the criticism and tried to act on it. That, itself, usually mollifies critics.

    解釋你已經(jīng)學(xué)到了什么。如果你能向一位批評者展示你學(xué)到了某樣?xùn)|西，那么你在證明自己已經(jīng)理解了批評，并且試圖采取行動。這本身就能讓批評者安靜下來。

    8. Enjoy the fun of failure. Re-frame the issue entirely to embrace criticism. Fact is, trying new things and aiming high opens you to criticism. I tell myself to Enjoy the fun of failure to try to re-frame failure and criticism as part of the fun. Otherwise, my dread of criticism can paralyze me.

    What am I overlooking? Have you found any other strategies that work for you?

    享受失敗的樂趣。 重新轉(zhuǎn)化這個事情，擁抱批評。事實上，嘗試新事物、眼光高都會讓你更容易被批評。在《享受失敗的樂趣》一文中我告訴自己重建失敗、批評，將它們作為樂趣的一部分。不然的話，我對批評的恐懼將讓我行為癱瘓。